Last night I had one of my phenomenal dead dreams. I was moving through this huge three story house. The rooms were either blue in light or just dark or white with natural sunlight. I was moving through them with Duncan and Lotus. They stopped in front of one room and everything went quiet...I began to move them away from the doorway and as I did all these thin wraith like arms came grasping at us from the dark of the room. I saw people outlined faintly in the dark of the room...the light from the hall glinting in their eyes. As we went higher through out the levels of the house the rooms were more and more full of spirits.
I have no clue what this means...I'll fgure it our eventually....I'm thinking maybe its because I have a million things pending right now in all aspects...nothing but change and unrest. My mind is constantly awake and moving even when I am not. It's edgy, its agitated, and its weary. The dark rooms are things unforseen, the blueish ones are things coming to light....the hall and main rooms were lit with sun which might mean that what I see now is all that can be revealed...immediately in front of me. Now what is it my dreams are telling me to do? Lotus and Duncan? Whats up with that? Could they represent my instinct? Do these rooms need to have their lights thrown on and gone through to purge out the unforseen visitors?? You can't be in all the rooms of a house at once...one at a time. Lately I am feeling pressure from all aspects and need things to come to a close or get off the ground or whatever. I might need to keep reminding myself that things need to be handled one at a time.
Ok....so I guess I do know what the dream meant. LOL

I have a bone to pick with 30 Seconds To Mars' video From Yesterday. They dress like Samaurai but they are prissy mock fighting with what appear to be Chinese war swords. Maybe I am just a sword geek but if you are going to go with a theme for your video...hire people who are going to do accurate research. Any asshole can tell the difference between a Chinese war sword and a Katana or a Zatoichi(sp.) for that matter. And I doubt any of those emo guys in the band would even withstand the armor of the samurai let alone the battle wits. And yeah I might be a little sensitive about this because I saw The Last Samurai last night. LOL

Dunkey Monkey
When Duncan was at the vet on Monday they weighed him....130 lbs!! And he is just over nine months...Newfounlands can grow for up to 3 years!! I adore big dogs so the bigger he gets the better...but my mother on the other hand...although she to adores big dogs...becomes necro pale when she informs us that the vet thinks Duncan will hit 180lbs.
We were told Darla would be 140 and she is only 115 in the winter, 105 in the summer. I think Dunc will fill out at around 150-160. Luckily his heart is as big as his body...he is literally the biggest mush. He makes me laugh with his puppy like innocence and playfulness. I frequently forget that despite his size he is in fact a puppy...so when he clumsily knocks you over in the hallway because he does not know his own strength you are forced to take it in stride. When he sits on your lap...well you are forced to just accept it.
Darla however is having a bit of an issue with him. She has felt the need to lead so to speak. We gave her too much freedom of choice as a pup and she simply dominates and bosses my mother around. If my mom bends down to pick something up Darla performs the dominant play mount if you know what I mean. Dunkey Monkey does respects and adores my mother and when he catches Dar doing this he knocks her off my mother. Its hysterical to watch. It's also beautiful to watch two beautiful glossy bear sized dogs break into the dance like moves of the canine argument. My dad always insists it be broken up....I refuse because dogs need to be dogs and establish their own hierarchy. Duncan is quickly taking the lead and in alot ways Darla does not seem to mind. I think she just assumed she had to be leader until he arrived. Alot of times people make the mistake of assuming all dogs want to be alpha(thanks to Caesar and his archaic pre modern behaviour outdated bullshit... on behalf of all trainers and behaviourists...Fuck You Caesar!!), in fact people tend to give their dogs too much freedom and not enough social participation, which in turn leads a dog to think it has to make decisions. Darla is a classic case of that. You would say "Show me" to Dar and she would swing her head to the door to go out, pick which way down the block to walk, open the cabinet for a greenie, or point you in the direction of something she found wrong and would bug you until its fixed, she would grab your hand and drop it on her shoulder to tell you to scratch. She made choices and we were so fascinated with the mind of the Newfoundland breed that we reveled in her problem solving abilities. Thus became the alpha known as Darla. But now Dunk does not know better than to barge past her to go out the front door. He does not know the big couch is all Darla's, he sees, he takes, and he knocks Dar down to get it.
Lotus on the other hand has way bigger attitude than her size indicates when it comes to defending her possessions. I am honored to say I am one of them. Duncan came into the apartment before and Lotus was right by his side watching his every move. She has finally accepted the apartment as her newly upgraded den. So now when Duncan enters, she keeps a sharp eye on him. He came up to me and she ran right in between us. He tried to climb onto the couch, she grabbed his over sized drooping jowl with her teeth and gave him a warning growl. He tried to go into the bedroom...she ran ahead of him grabbed his jowl and growled again. I was cracking up as I watched a 20 lb dog boss around this 130lb puppy. Size has nothing over age when it comes to canines and their dominance over each other. I called my parents in to watch. Duncan was not allowed to even smell anything without Lo grabbing his jowl or body blocking him away from the items in question. When he spotted her food dish she ran over and ate every last piece....I don't even think she was hungry, she did it more out of spite (takes after her mom). Eventually there was nothing for Dunc to engage in and he left. It's so funny how to humans we see size as an intimidation factor...in dogs....its all attitude.

What? Terror Statistics Were Blown Out of Proportion??? No Shit Sherlock!!

It would appear that some people deleted me off their Myspace in light of the recent drama. That's a little painful. I want so much to explain to them the reasons because I know some of it has been skewed. At the same time, its not fair to me to try and sway these people even though I want so badly for them to understand what I did was not completely for the petty reasons being highlighted. It's just a little painful when people you have grown to consider family over the years just suddenly want you gone. I guess I have earned and deserve that kind of pain for what I have done. Cosmic universal penance.

Last night was a rare occurence. I went to sleep at like 11. Lotus was having a hard time understanding the wind was not trying to break in. She kept getting up and running to the front window then to the side window, then back to the bed to stand on my hair and face to try and look out the bedroom window as she performed her perimeter check. When she was sure the wind did not break the walls of our mighty suburban castle she would lay down again, only to repeat the process with the next gust. Finally I just shoved her under the covers and when she finally settled down with her little head on my shoulder I wrapped my arm around her and held her just a little tighter with every gust. Finally she started to fall asleep....I can tell because she snores right in my ear....don't laugh....admittedly I can't sleep without that sound anymore which was why I was rather distraught on weekend when she was sent to the crate to sleep.
Finally, I was able to drift off to sleep....nope ...not quite.
I hear a door open.
"Are you asleep?"
"No, I just like to read in the dark"
"I need you to look at Duncan's eyes"
"Why?" I was trying really hard to remember when I aquired this veterinary degree my mother assumes I have. She panics at the least little injury to the dogs...then I have to take control, which usually winds up with me having to explain the situation to her like 10 times before she believes my advice anyway. So needless to say I was hesitant to get out of my warm bed to play vet.
Eventually I did get up and went to go inspect Duncan's eyes. Eye injuries on a dog are nothing to take lightly.
It looks worse than it is because he has saggy Newf eyes so when he pulls up that third lid in pain...its gross...but when he tucked his head down into my chest (typical male.LOL) and pressed the side of his face with the injured eye into me I could tell it was painful. He would not let me open his eye to look and at 127-130 lbs, he is not the easiest to manipulate. I figured if it was just some denris from being out in the wind it would tear out in his sleep. So we decided to let him sleep the night and see how the eye looks in the morning.
It still looked terrible.
He has to go to the vet today. I might have to take him because my mother has to run a computer over to my brother in Stony Brook. It should be fun trying to load a 127 lb dog into my truck.

Yeah...I have not done all that much today but I did find this. Most likely the only person who can appreciate this is Jme.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dVZUIHWm9B0&mode=related&search=
Tripping Daisy's "I Got a Girl" put to anime. Two great nostalgias that go great together.

Poor Thing
I worked with this dog when I was interning at the shelter. I can't believe she is still there. She needs to go to a very experienced home and if I recall she is not the most easy going of dogs...still it's sad to see her in the same spot she was when I saw her in December. Poor girl. If I liked terriers at all I would consider it...but she is a handful and terriers aggravate me....so stubborn. I'm not helping sway anyone to adopt this dog am I? LOL

What Video Game Character Are You? (With Pictures!)
Link You're Link!
Take The Quiz Now!	Quizzes by myYearbook.com

Why am i not suprised??

Kelly Clarkson is singing at the Daytona 500 today. I can't even come up with a good line for that one....wait....uhhhh...no nothing. I think the situation basically speaks for itself.
Here's to hoping some debris from an on track accident takes her out....hey, guess I did have a line...ehhh it'll do.

Ok.....why am i seeing this Anna Nicole bullshit on CNN??? CNN!!!! This story is not news....its the biography of almost any trailer renter in any trailer park. WTF?!?! Correct me if I am wrong CNN....isn't there a fucking war on?!?!?!?!?!?! Don't we have a president whose indiscretions, mental retardation, and lack of grasp on our reality, as well as blatant disregard for the middle class AND the environment you can report about? Don't you think people need to hear about that?? I could give two shits less whose baby she had....if I want to watch a paternity test gone wrong....I'll watch Judge Hatchett. Gods, get a grip and cover some actual news!!! This is why the public is so damn stupid.
As viewers we should all be insulted...this is what they feel we want to see....not politics, not corrupt bills being slid in with legitimate ones to be signed into law, not how our president spends more time at his goddamn ranch than in his office reading reports, not about global warming, not about how out troops should be home instead of defending our oil....and that is what they are unfortunately doing and risking their lives every day so the rich can keep their fucking yachts running. No, apparently the media feels we are better off watching reports about what Anna Nicole's nurse had for breakfast before she found Anna dead on the floor. GET OVER IT. "Trailer Trash Broad's Addictions and Inability to Cope With Reality Finally Catches Up To Her." No film at 11....no round table discussion, no debates....The End.

Yup..another cleaning break....Napolean Dynamite is on....I told you I think i am addicted to movies.
Actually I can honestly say the apartment for the msot part is done. I mean aside from decorating type stuff which I am saving for a creative fit...for the most part...everything is in its place. I just have to throw one of Lo's crates in the basement and figure out what to do with all this computer crap...it took me a half hour to untangle all the wires....it was like Radio Shack crawled into my room and died.
Aside from that I have a few things to put away, a good detail cleaning and some laundary and I can get focused on earning that certification (Certified Pet Dog Trainer, its a standardized cert from the Association of Pet Dog Trainers) among other things. I would love to go back to school for Canine Behavior, but first things first.
Today's awkward moment was brought to you by Stormy Leather:
I was cleaning out the last drawer in my old room, my mother was in there vacuuming and getting ready to move some things in(they are making my old room an office). I open the drawer and right on top are three corsets...one of which is one of the really expensive leather ones that women actually use for corseting(to refresh your memory of that story you can go back to the invaded blog and check my archives)...it looks rather...dungeon-esque. Either she really is as flakey as I thought or she just looked at it and said nothing. Either way.....awkward.
But it definitely kept her from nosing the rest of the drawer, LOL.

Taking a cleaning break...again.
Cult!! The Karate Kid is on! "Get him a body bag, yyyeeeeaahhhh"
"Sweep the leg. You got a problem with that??"

I think I have a severe movie addition....I can sit down and watch almost anything....maybe its just a good excuse to duck out of reality for a few....what ever....but this is probably also why its taken a month to get this apartment together. LOL
Whatever.

"You Beginner Ruck!"

::Microcosms::
There is something about 4 a.m. that brings me the most outstanding realizations about....well everything.
Last night I came home and was watching old horror movies on AMC. Finally around 4 a.m. I was ready to turn in....mainly because House of Dracula is one of the most boring movies...but there is something about Lon Chaney that has always intrigued me so I watch anyhoo....he is not striking but he always plays these very sweet characters who can't quite understand "Why him?" when he is inflicted with occult happenings, he's meloncholy, charming...and A.D.D girl is off the subject as usual.
So Lotus decides 4 a.m. is the time to brave the icy tundra of our yard. She was hesitant to go down the stairs of the entrance but I gave her a slight tap on the ass and down the steps she went. A couple of minutes later she was back at the foot of the steps. I opened the door to let her in but she just stood there.
In my mind the fact that she went back to my steps is a triumph because all week I let her out my entrance and she still goes to the back door to the rest of the house to come back in.
So, she kept pacing and motioning to the corner of the house to let me know she would prefer the other entrance. But lucky her I was tired and stubborn. She kept coming back to my steps because she seemed to want so much to get up the steps and back inside but she was scared to get back up these steps at the same time. I started getting aggravated, I was tired, it was like...three fucking degrees out and my dog who gets me reprimanded in agility class because she happily races up the A frame without command suddenly pussied out at my steps. I threw on my Docs to go get her. As I ambled down the steps...and there are only three...she raced off. I went and got some cookies to lure her in. Same shit...runs right off. Now I was totally aggravated and she was beginning to pace in circles carrying her feet higher off the ground which usually means her feet are getting too cold...she is a toy dog and cannot stand the cold the same way our Newfs do(they nap on the snow). So now on top of being tired, and freezing, I am beginning to get all mom about my dogs paws getting too cold. Now I'm starting to get royally pissed off...which was good because now I'm wide awake again, now I can think like a trainer....what is going on in her little noggin'. Something is scaring her...is it the porchlight....no...is it the steps...hmmm.....yes...the ice is starting to break apart so the fragments are moving...it must have frightened her the last time she was on them. Dogs cannot see detail all that well either so now she cannot see the detail I can that would tell her where the ice most likely to move is. So she does not trust her own footing. She keeps looking to me for encouragement and I am in slumber zombie mode and from there I went to "Joan Crawford, get in the damn house" mode. I forgot the key component...and as a trainer I should know better. Encouragement...she just needs me to encourage her to get up those steps. I needed to get her to trust her own footing. So calmly I called her in, she moved toward the steps and took along look. I kept praising her, she put one paw on the steps, more praise, eventually she gingerly hopped up all three steps and ran inside...her tail was wagging proudly. She wanted to do it herself the whole time..hence the not letting me pick her up, my inactivity and frustration was not indicating to her whether she was doing the right thing or not. She just wanted to know she was doing the right thing and that it was possible for her to accomplish. I was proud of her and I was even more proud that she was so proud of herself. And in light of alot of things lately the whole situation seemed to be a microcosm of my own situation..which in alot of ways is no longer a situaton...much like the steps for Lo. Once again she taught me an amazing life lesson....christ I wish she chose a better hour to do so. LOL
So actually...thats what I have to go do right now. I have to go get the "petsafe" de-icer and go de-ice my steps...her reward for trusting her own footing...an easier path.

Ugh....here is my shantytown of a blog until I figure out what to do with the old one...or if I even need to do anything.
Figures to because my writers block has lifted and my brain has been screaming for days to just write. I'm a gemini dammit...me not writing is like anyone else not being able to speak. That explains the relentless battery of emails flowing from me.
I'm friggin bored senseless!!! All I have been doing is working on this apartment!!! Ugh, I wanted to go to Subculture(Molly's Amityville) tonight but that would just be another extension of drama.
Holy Crap am I bored!!!
In better news....I've dropped like over...about 20 lbs. I'm back in a size 10 jeans(and that needs a belt). The weight is flying off and mostly because I was sick to my stomach with stress the past couple of weeks but also because I have been more active on weekends as opposed to sitting around doing nothing. Funny how people who were the cause can sometimes be the ones who seem to have the most advice for you to fix it. Also, the drop in alcohol consumption has something to do with it I'm sure.
Lo is being a class A bitch right now, mainly because I have been working my ass off around the house and can't give her much attention. Little does she know next week I'll be bringing her to work with me...the owners will be away.
We have off on Monday...too Metal!
I had so many things I wanted to write about over the past few weeks and now I forgot all of it. LOL
This was just supposed to be a break from working on the apartment but now I am winding down. I'm just so totally tired of being cooped up this place all week that I am not really motivated. Tomorrow is another day..I can work on it then I guess. Ugh.
BORED!!!!