I don't know what my problem is lately but I have been totally unmotivated lately. By the end of this month I can officially start building a dog training career...but I have barely done a thing to get started. Every aspect of my life had hit that same stagnancy. I feel like my brain just decided nothing is really worth doing let alone doing well. I stopped vacuuming because Lotus(aka Sheddy Lee) just keeps leaving all this hair everywhere. I am amazed at the amount of hair that can come off a 20 lb dog. I figured what is the point in vacuuming? I had clothes in every room of the apartment. It looks like a mall exploded in here. Dishes in the sink....clean dishes that have been in the dishwasher forever. My room was virtually unnavigable. For the past two or three weeks all I do is come home, sit at the computer and watch movies. When to tackle things...I can't focus and just get frustrated. I am so unable to finish a thought lately. My weekends are mostly me sitting on the couch watching movies or Justice Files. I should be doing so much more with my time...I mean these things are not going to magically get done. DBA's will not apply for themselves.
The stagnancy finally lifted today. I was in my conscious coma on the couch watching City Confidential. Half the day was already spent. I was staring at the hideously huge TumbleLee's....Sheddy Lee's hair ball tumble weeds. I looked across the whole carpet which now looked like a desolate dusty rose desert with these white flecked black balls of hair. My eyes widened as I lifted them and saw what a huge mess the apartment was. Where the hell have I been? Suddenly I was up off the couch folding clothes, scooping up hair balls....etc.
I think sometimes we get in that mental rut....then we let our surroundings reflect that which in turn makes it alot harder to get out of the rut. I have let too much build up due to my inactivity. Not just the apartment, getting things together for dog training....plus I really need a second job to pay some bills off a little faster. I've been screwing off big time these past few months...when I should have been moving along and building things up...I simply shut down, fell away, focused on things that really need not be a priority just now. I need to get my energy back on track and focused. The mental coma has ended....whether I want to or not its seriously time to get my ass in gear, suck it up and do what needs to be done in order to accomplish the things I feel I need to.
My brother oddly enough was the one who pointed this out.
"Did you ever feel like nothing is going to get any better and that to keep going is pointless?"
"That's because you are not doing anything...too much time to think when you should be working on what you need. You are sitting here pining about where you are and how nothing will get better instead of doing something about it. Its not going to happen on its own. And in turn this inactivity is giving you too much time to think with despair"
"Jesus Christ, you just gave me the same speech I have given so many others....I'm an ass...I should take the advice I give everyone else"
From that conversation I realized maybe some of my stagnancy might also be coming from a fear of failing or missing out....but in reality....I'll wind up missing more by just sitting here.