::Microcosms::
There is something about 4 a.m. that brings me the most outstanding realizations about....well everything.
Last night I came home and was watching old horror movies on AMC. Finally around 4 a.m. I was ready to turn in....mainly because House of Dracula is one of the most boring movies...but there is something about Lon Chaney that has always intrigued me so I watch anyhoo....he is not striking but he always plays these very sweet characters who can't quite understand "Why him?" when he is inflicted with occult happenings, he's meloncholy, charming...and A.D.D girl is off the subject as usual.
So Lotus decides 4 a.m. is the time to brave the icy tundra of our yard. She was hesitant to go down the stairs of the entrance but I gave her a slight tap on the ass and down the steps she went. A couple of minutes later she was back at the foot of the steps. I opened the door to let her in but she just stood there.
In my mind the fact that she went back to my steps is a triumph because all week I let her out my entrance and she still goes to the back door to the rest of the house to come back in.
So, she kept pacing and motioning to the corner of the house to let me know she would prefer the other entrance. But lucky her I was tired and stubborn. She kept coming back to my steps because she seemed to want so much to get up the steps and back inside but she was scared to get back up these steps at the same time. I started getting aggravated, I was tired, it was like...three fucking degrees out and my dog who gets me reprimanded in agility class because she happily races up the A frame without command suddenly pussied out at my steps. I threw on my Docs to go get her. As I ambled down the steps...and there are only three...she raced off. I went and got some cookies to lure her in. Same shit...runs right off. Now I was totally aggravated and she was beginning to pace in circles carrying her feet higher off the ground which usually means her feet are getting too cold...she is a toy dog and cannot stand the cold the same way our Newfs do(they nap on the snow). So now on top of being tired, and freezing, I am beginning to get all mom about my dogs paws getting too cold. Now I'm starting to get royally pissed off...which was good because now I'm wide awake again, now I can think like a trainer....what is going on in her little noggin'. Something is scaring her...is it the porchlight....no...is it the steps...hmmm.....yes...the ice is starting to break apart so the fragments are moving...it must have frightened her the last time she was on them. Dogs cannot see detail all that well either so now she cannot see the detail I can that would tell her where the ice most likely to move is. So she does not trust her own footing. She keeps looking to me for encouragement and I am in slumber zombie mode and from there I went to "Joan Crawford, get in the damn house" mode. I forgot the key component...and as a trainer I should know better. Encouragement...she just needs me to encourage her to get up those steps. I needed to get her to trust her own footing. So calmly I called her in, she moved toward the steps and took along look. I kept praising her, she put one paw on the steps, more praise, eventually she gingerly hopped up all three steps and ran inside...her tail was wagging proudly. She wanted to do it herself the whole time..hence the not letting me pick her up, my inactivity and frustration was not indicating to her whether she was doing the right thing or not. She just wanted to know she was doing the right thing and that it was possible for her to accomplish. I was proud of her and I was even more proud that she was so proud of herself. And in light of alot of things lately the whole situation seemed to be a microcosm of my own situation..which in alot of ways is no longer a situaton...much like the steps for Lo. Once again she taught me an amazing life lesson....christ I wish she chose a better hour to do so. LOL
So actually...thats what I have to go do right now. I have to go get the "petsafe" de-icer and go de-ice my steps...her reward for trusting her own footing...an easier path.